Thursday, September 23, 2004

That show is really amazing. a leading team could lose its apparent 3 hour lead in justa blink of an eye at the airport. Appearance vs reality. Many things within our plane of existance are interwined. Ok, the irony was that a cynic like myself got my heart warmed by the ending of that wonderful piece or reality production. I believe that the essence of the human spirit is manifested when the body is pushed to its limits. anyway, i dont really know how to comment on this subject now that i'm preoccupied witha freaking toothache and a pimple inside the side of my nose. Damn, really down on my luck.

Woke up from my afternoon nap feeling screwed, as though i'd just had a hangover. Much as i wish i could start drinking and drown whatever sorrows or troubles thats tugging at me, i will not resort to such an escapist action. I'm currently trying to take a stoic attitude to life and hence i must endure through whatever torments that life churns out for me.back to the point, woke up feeling really screwed and wondering what did i do wrong to land myself in this wretched state whereby i'm afflicted by these abrupt changes of mood at any time. Is it something i did or is this justa figment of my imagination? I feel that i'm contemplating too much on issues that i should currently put aside. Instead of just whining here, i should actually just examine my ownself and organise my feelings. Get my priorities right and begin business.I know that i have the potential to excel in this system which was appaent when i got the highest marks for my group collaboration and individual contributions to PW. -grins- Can i transfer this ability to my written work? especially mathematics? Grasping concepts dealing with numbers has never been my strength but i know that i need to do this. My tutor is making a serious mistake by making me do questions first when i do not even know the basics for most of them.

Moreover, this bad habit of playing traunt has got to stop. I just feel like tehre is no point going to school so early for useless lessons. This thinking has really got to go althought the promotional examinations are just round the corner. But heck, PW needs to be done, i just need to do my part which is study and i'll be fine. ( hopefully) Therefore teh agenda for today and for the rest of the month wil be to FUCKING STUDY AND NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BECAUSE NO ONE CAN FUCKING HELP ME IF I DUN HELP MYSELF.
well, this does feel much better. Once i finish tomorrow's tuition homework, i'll be free to get project work done and since i have already decided to skip school on friday, i'll get the darn written report done with my accomplice in this coup for good grades and then i can fully focus unhindered on fulfilling the above agenda. My ambitions are running wild and its time they are controlled. No bikes till after the exams. Whatever form of relaxation or recreation can be enjoyed after the 8th of october and till then, its full steam ahead revision. The goal: TO GET PROMOTED and next year, it will be full steam ahead to try and bag the hat trick of As and wins in the cycling competitions. Hopefully by then, i would have assembled a team that will help me achieve my dream. The experience counts more than the result for now. At least till my bike requires me to win to be worthy of riding it.

This crap is going overboard. Its beginning to seem addictive writing all my naunces here. but as long as i feel better after posting stuff here, i don't think i should give a damn. The Stoic view to life. This life i will lead till after the examinations before my true self can resurface. Till then...

jonny`
+ 9/23/2004 01:28:00 am