Friday, September 24, 2004

Can i get this out off my plane of existance? these feelings of negativity and haplessness.
It happened again, the screwed up feeling of destitute has hit me once again after i woke up from my nap on the bus. I have now realised why i dislike taking afternoon naps, that is because they make me feel grumpy and they bring about the negative feelings. A nap is like the bringer of nightmares, although instead of nightmares, it brings the abject sense of emptiness. How can i be released from this torture? I akin myself in this aspect to Wulfgar, who is haunted by his toture in the abyss by the demon Errtu. In retrospect, i'm much betetr off than Wulfgar.

I've come to the realisation that i do embrace god in my life. Its seems quite ungrateful of my but yes, i have to admit now that he is an integral part of my life, the last pillar of strength that i can cling on to. I understood this when i was having my dental treatment for a toothache which turned out to ba an early treatment of something that may require more advanced and possibly painful treatment. Back to the point, being faced with extreme discomfort and occasional pain, i was pleading out to the lord to spare me. I was more or less chanting in my head, the sesoanting line ' Oh my god, please end this fast' . I won't deny this attachment to this surreal being.

If theres someone amongst my gang of buddies that i would want to see suffer, that would be the honkie. That jit ahs been incessently irritating and makes it a personal target to try and irritate me and exact the 'torture' on me. However he does not know that i tire of this amusement and will not hesitate to stand up to it. He doesn'nt scare me, just amuses me with his immaturity. Polytechnics as a place for men to mature, i doubt so. Its more likea playground for overgrown kids. they learn their craft there and practise to the ire of the more civilised crowd and unknowingly thread on toes that have started a ticking time bomb.Take heed of this you oaf.

Once the PW written report is completed, i would then be able to fully concentrate on my other subjects and Raymond has given me the insight to how i should prepare for it. I feel enlightened. Moreover i just completed an Econs presetation and have learnt that i should not take my abilities to talk for granted but rather, i should complement it with solid infomation. Do i have this reputation within my class community as the most honest and outspoken one? So much so that i invited many questioning glances as to whether i was the culprit who filled up a parent's survey form with responses that denote the strongly disagree option. What a sad ungrateful wretch.

A mountain of work awaits me and hence i have decided that i will be disciplined and suppress my playful nature in favour of hard work. My house is slowly becoming either a workshop or a stable for bikes. Roy has requested to store his new bike which is coming soon at my palce froa while and Yiyang's bike is at my place. On top of that, i have my darling yecora and the Gt. Not forgetting the new wheels for the blur dick. My whole isa bout to becomea workshop which is so cool.But somehow, i am beginning to miss my fish dearly as i really did enjoy that period and wil cherish the memories.

What constitutes a sin? The thought? or the crime? Thoughtcrime?

jonny`
+ 9/24/2004 02:50:00 am